E68- Morning Rituals to reduce anxiety - Lisa Murphy, healthy aging coach
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Beth: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Create Today with Beth Buffington podcast. Today I have a treat for you, a returning guest that we talk to every now and again just so we can get our wellbeing grounded and find some traction. I have Lisa Murphy here. She is a healthy aging coach, and she is going to talk to us today about thinking about the health that we have in the age, the season that we're in right now, and how we can ground ourselves through a little bit of help with our creativity so we can manage better with what we're dealing with.
Today.
So Lisa, welcome. I am so glad to have you here today so that you can come and shed a little bit of your wisdom to the listeners about the season of life that they're in right now and how they can use it to feel better about what they're doing every day.
So welcome, so glad you're here.
Lisa: Thank you so much, Beth. It's always great to be here with you and your listeners. [00:01:00]
Beth: So I think that today we're gonna talk about stuff I hear all my friends talk about and that is, oh my gosh, there is a lot going on in the world right now.
And it's stuff that people are dealing with individually, with partner, with the family, with the community, with politics. With wild weather, And then just in our world, there's so much unrest going on.
If someone has the news on in the morning, by the time you're done listening to a half an hour of news, you feel like you just need to go back to bed. So I think I would like to talk to you today, Lisa, about how do we all deal with this? How do we take all of this pressure and find a way to be better people?
So that we don't just add to the grimace that I think the world is turning [00:02:00] into, what do we do?
Lisa: Oh yeah. What do we do? And that is a great question. And of course I don't have, a magic answer. However, I'm experiencing this in my work as well with clients, and I'm experiencing it myself. People are upset, people are worried, people are concerned.
There's a lot of aggression, a lot of argumentative stuff flowing around, And then that's in the world, right? And then we each have our own concerns. We've got aging parents where we're worried about our children. You mentioned the weather. You're right. We are I think almost exactly six months to the day, actually, it might be to the day of the hurricane that hit Asheville, North Carolina where I live.
And now we've got forest fires.
I think this is important because
the devastation that was caused by the hurricane, just destroyed our forest. And there are trees down and dead leaves and brush and limbs, [00:03:00] branches everywhere, and that is what is fueling the forest fires.
Beth:
Lisa: I think Mother Nature is perhaps one of our best teachers, and she's teaching us that when something happens, it's not in a vacuum, it's not, just a little pinpoint, but then things can build on that.
And so when we think about how we handle stress, how we manage our lives in difficult things it's really good to remember that the foundation that we lay, or the mess that we do or don't clean up probably is gonna have an impact and effect on what's to come.
Beth: Yes. And I know I have a lot of listeners that are out on the West coast that dealt with the fires in California, so I'm sure that there's a lot of people going, oh yeah, I get that.
Me too. Yeah. So let's talk about how we need to. Cope with all these layers and [00:04:00] layers of stress that we can just really obsess about if we let ourselves.
Lisa: Yeah. So what do we do? Right. Well, I think the biggest thing that we can do is to remember and recognize that we probably can't control whether there's gonna be a forest fire in the mountains, whether you live in North Carolina or in California.
We cannot control world events, right? There's only so much that we can do. Even when you think about getting smaller in our worlds, we've got aging parents with health issues. We probably can't control that either. And I think a lot of the problems for us. Come from not remembering that. And we really, we just wanna help and we want things to get better.
So we kind of take it all on and that's kind of futile. So it always starts with us. No matter what's going on in our world, we have to start with ourselves. And at times that can feel [00:05:00] very selfish and it's not right. It's the classic, you've got to put your oxygen mask on first. So there are things in our world that we can control and, the title of your work Create Today?
That is, I believe about the best place to start is we can start by creating our own day, which then will create our week, then create our month, and that will create our life and. We can go to bed and know that we've done all that we can do really and we will be in a much better place to actually help people, help others help the world once we've taken care of ourselves first by intentionally creating our day.
Beth: Yeah. There's so much to unpack in there. And I think that you're right, the thing about create today. Is that we can only really do what we can [00:06:00] do in the moment that we're in right now.
And if you look at studies and research about the things that people worry about, that they're anxious about, most of those things rarely happen the way we worry about them. I mean, they usually either don't happen or they're not as bad as we thought, so the hours that we spend worrying about something is a lot of time that's just not spent well.
So if we use that time to create today, then there's a whole bunch of goodness that opens up when you've given yourself time to be creative.
Lisa: Absolutely. And I believe by drilling down to a single day, each day at a time.
And how we structure that day. And I'm not talking about being rigid or glued to the calendar or a time clock, but [00:07:00] what.
Patterns, habits, rituals, can we put into place to define our days that will help ground us and help allow us to be able to be creative and carve out that space? Because you're right, worry is nothing but praying for something you don't want to happen anyway. It is a waste of time and a waste of energy.
So instead, let's focus our energies so that we can create more space for creating and create the day and the week and the month that we want. And I use a practice called Pillars of the Day to do this for myself, and it's something that my clients have found very helpful, and perhaps some of your listeners would find that concept helpful as well.
Beth: I think that sounds like a fabulous idea. Please, let's get started. What do we need? What do we need to know about the pillars of the day?
Lisa: We live in a world now that is 24 7. We are on all of the [00:08:00] time. we have our phones in our back pockets. We have multiple devices on, we are under artificial lights, you name it, we can get asparagus year round.
Yeah. And strawberries in the winter, right? we've lost track of the seasons and the cycles of Mother Nature. The same goes for our. Days. We used to go to bed with the sun.
We would wake up with the sun. We followed these natural rhythms. And while that may be a little bit too idealistic and it's not gonna happen, we can still structure our days that way. And so I call my morning routine, my morning pillar. And that word is intentional because it, think of a pillar.
It's sturdy, it's solid, it's definitive.
It can define the beginning of our day, and then I call the ending pillar the evening pillar. So something as simple as setting some routine, some habits, some rituals. In the morning and then in the evening we're giving [00:09:00] ourselves these bookmarks so that we have a definitive start and end to our day, which is much more natural and it helps us to keep our nervous system balanced when we're operating on this 24 7 on our nervous systems are so completely dysregulated.
That it's impossible to feel like we can be of much good to anyone, particularly our creativity and our work.
Beth: Yeah. It's easy to see how we've lost that rhythm of daylight. When my grandmother was a young wife, they did not have electricity in their house.
So, you didn't do a whole lot after the sun went down, except for maybe a tiny bit of reading that you could do near a candle. Then you did go to bed because what else was there to do?
but we've stopped that because we can light up everything and our screens never go dark if we don't let them. And so we don't have that rhythm [00:10:00] to know it's morning, it's evening.
Lisa: Yeah. If you think about it. Otherwise, it's like you're sitting in front of a strobe light all day long. All day.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: And Our nervous systems are just completely out of whack.
Lisa (3):
Lisa: It creates so much stress. Even if we don't feel like we have a lot of stress in our lives.
If you're living in a bubble and you don't have a lot of stress in your life, It is. Behind the scenes getting you all out of whack. And so having these pillars can really help to balance out our nervous system, which helps with our health, helps to regulate weight and it helps with our creativity.
Beth: So, morning pillar what should that look like for us? How do we build that pillar so it's nice and strong?
Lisa: Oh, I love that. Yeah. So for everyone it's gonna be different. I can share a little bit about what my morning pillar looks like, and then I have some learned do's and don'ts, if you will.
Actually, maybe we'll start with what is often a typical morning pillar, and that [00:11:00] is we have our phone by the bed to use for our alarm, and it goes off and we hit snooze. Yep. And then it goes off again, and we hit snooze, and then it jolts us awake again, and then we hit snooze. Then we finally decide, okay, right, I gotta get up, otherwise I'm gonna be late for whatever.
We pick up our phone to turn the alarm off and Oh, there's the news. Yeah. Or there's a bazillion notifications popped up, there's emails, there's blah, blah, blah. Right. You, we know there could even be social media posts, so we think, oh man, I gotta get to it. I got so much to do. There's so much going on.
We jump outta bed and we head straight to the kitchen for the coffee machine. And the first thing we do is turn it on. And while we wait for the coffee to brew, We keep scrolling on our phone, we flip on the TV and we start listening to the news.
[00:12:00] So, is this a harmless morning
Beth: habit? I mean, no, but there is no good news in any of the things you just talked about. I mean, your alarm going off several times is never a good noise. No one loves the alarm. And yet now we've heard it three times before we finally got outta bed, and then we went straight to the phone and we're immediately brought into the world of instant everything what needs to be done now who's doing it better,
And then we've come downstairs. To the news that if it bleeds, it leads and it rarely is bringing us any. Like, oh, that's nice. I'm glad to hear that's happening. Usually it's, sad news, hard news.
So all of those things, you've only been up for what? 20 minutes, right? And you've done nothing good for your mind at that moment.
Lisa: And don't forget the jolt of caffeine,
Beth: right? And right [00:13:00] straight up caffeine, right outta the gate.
Lisa: so the scenario that we've just discussed, it turns on our sympathetic nervous system, which is our fight or flight.
And that is the brain's way of telling the body. It's in danger. And so it needs to be prepared to turn and fight the proverbial tiger or flee from it. But the truth is things may be crazy, but we're not being chased by a tiger. And we've developed this habit of starting our mornings like this and it's basically just a slow drip of adrenaline of cortisol and then caffeine,
It just gets us all amped up. I've had this conversation enough and I've heard the pushback and the excuses. I'm gonna call them if you will, so I know what a lot of people are probably thinking, but that's how I wake up. That's how I get going. That fires up my creative brain.
Yeah, maybe, but. I call bologna, probably not so much [00:14:00] because when we are in that out of balance state, we aren't relaxed, we're stressed. We are doing so much harm to our body. We're weakening our immune system. We are messing with our digestion because if we're being chased by a tiger, our digestive system does not care about digesting whatever, we put in it, our heart rate raises and our blood pressure raises as well.
So, if you can create in a totally massive stressed out state like that's great. But I'm guessing that most of us, that most of us really can't.
Beth: I just finished reading the Martha Beck book, beyond Anxiety. One of the things she says about anxiety is that the human brain, once it's put into fight or flight, unlike an animal who is in that fight or flight mode.
Just during the time when their life is at risk that it'll immediately settle down and just go [00:15:00] back Right into calm.
Lisa (3): Yeah. Yeah.
Beth: Humans can't do that. That once we are in that fight or flight, and she adds also fawn and flop and the flop I think is something that a lot of people do, and maybe even the morning that rather than running or fighting, you just put the covers back over your head and you don't do anything.
Yeah. So we can't just turn off the adrenaline that happens from anxiety and if that's the first thing that we do to ourself during the day, then you're right. We are wired for that anxiety stress for maybe the rest of the day.
Lisa: I.
Absolutely. Yeah. So again, if we bring it back to what can we control and what can we do, there are practices, if you will, habits, rituals that we can instill in our mornings instead. [00:16:00] And before I give some examples of that, I just want to give a caveat that if that feels really overwhelming to someone listening,
it's okay. We start where we are and maybe we insert one new habit, and what I've found is just like with food the more good we put in, the less room there is for the other, and it has its way of kind of working itself out naturally. So any little tweak in that right direction will be helpful.
So some examples of. Morning habits that you can build your pillar on are stop hitting the snooze alarm.
Beth: Yeah. Right. Yep. That is a hard one for a lot of people. because you might stay to yourself when you go to bed not hitting the snooze tomorrow morning, and then as soon as the snooze hits, it's, it is almost knee jerk like, I hit the snooze and
I can't not do that.
so what should we [00:17:00] do to Sure. Not hit the snooze? Like what's a great way to do we have to go cold Turkey on that, or do you have any suggestions?
Lisa (2): Motivation
Beth: is
Lisa: not as powerful as momentum. Okay. So we can want to do something so badly, we can be so motivated, but if we have a lot of momentum going in the other direction, it's really hard, right?
Whether it's a good habit, a health helpful habit, or a not so helpful habit. So hitting the snooze is nothing but a habit. And if you've been doing it for decades, you've got a lot of momentum behind it.
So the first thing I would say to anyone who struggles with this is be graceful. Have some grace for yourself, and be really kind. And yeah, maybe you can go cold Turkey, but it may take a little while and that's okay. Right? Again, momentum is really powerful. Much more so than than motivation. So some tips.
The first is make sure you're getting enough sleep.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: Are you going to bed early enough? Are you getting [00:18:00] uninterrupted sleep? Adults need seven to nine hours most nights of uninterrupted sleep. And that's everybody. Not just somebody else. It's all of us. Yeah, that would be the first question that I would ask.
And then there are a couple of hacks that can be helpful. Well, first of all, the quality of sleep that is happening after we hit a snooze alarm.
We're not really going back into any deep kind of sleep. We're just So if we can cognitively think, wow, I should just set my alarm for 15 minutes later. I'm not getting up anyway. I'm going to actually get 15 more minutes of good quality sleep. So that reasoning, that makes sense. Right. So that can be helpful putting your alarm.
On the other side of the room.
Beth: Ah, it's a,
Lisa: that's a sneaky way to do it. Yeah, it's huge, right? I mean, once you're out of bed, we're probably not getting back in, so putting the phone or the alarm on the other side of the room is a great way to [00:19:00] start.
Beth: Yep. I remember when I was in college, I had the top bunk in our dorm room and my alarm, the only place I could put it was on a top shelf above my desk, So the only way for me to turn off my alarm was to sit up, duck my head, and then crawl over to where my alarm was.
And once you got that far, you were up. Yeah. And I, so you're right. If you can put your alarm somewhere where you, it's not just a floppy arm away from hitting the snooze. You have to actually get up to go turn it off. Yeah. Maybe there's something you could do to say, when I'm up, maybe there's like the little prize that you could have.
I don't know. What would that be? Right, for
Lisa: sure. Well, yeah, for sure. So another really great tip that I've been working with now that the weather's getting nicer because I'm a chronic snooze alarmer, I, so I get it. I understand. I've got so much compassion for anyone else who does it, but I've started the very beginning of my morning pillar now is to step [00:20:00] outside.
So this depends on, of course, the layout of your home. But if you can easily get outside. Immediately. So we're fortunate we've got French doors in the bedroom so I can walk out onto a deck.
Beth: Oh, that's so nice. Yeah.
Lisa: Yeah. So I get up and I know I am so looking forward to stepping outside, hearing the birds sing, and that little trick has really been working for me.
If you have a favorite tea, you could have your tea in a thermos sitting by your alarm. So you get outta bed, you go shut the alarm off. Ah, there's my lemon water or my lemon ginger tea. You know that, that might be something nice too. Or maybe you've got some affirmation cards that you could set on your dresser by your alarm.
And when you're there you could pull your card for the day. Yeah. And. Most all affirmation cards are very positive and they're very motivating, and so you're probably not gonna go and get back in bed.
Beth: Probably [00:21:00] not. You could also do something if you are someone that can be trusted to do this, you could tell yourself.
If I can get up five days out of seven without the alarm going off and take it off, then I can get a pedicure. I can go to Starbucks and read a book and get a coffee. Something that will build to something that will be a treat for you. So that could be an incentive as well.
Lisa: That's a great idea.
And that works for a lot of people. I would suggest perhaps having like a little chart where you could tick the box or put a sticker stickers Yeah. That could, who doesn't love stickers? Yeah. I think that's a really great idea. Yeah. Give yourself a prize. Why not?
Beth: Yeah, you would do that for your kids, give them incentives.
So do that for yourself. you're, you need to be kind to yourself and you're right. Who doesn't love a sticker? Let's all have some sort of thing that needs stickers and then gives you a little allowance at the end of the week. I think that's a great idea. [00:22:00] Okay, so I'm up now. How do I stay away from my phone?
What do I do instead of my coffee? And how am I dealing not getting my news fixed? Like how do I get away from these things? Lisa?
Lisa: remember, we're not replacing, we're just adding.
Yeah. So I'm not telling anyone that they have to stop looking at their phone. I'm not telling anyone that they can't have their coffee or that they can't watch the news. What we're gonna do is we're gonna add some bumpers in there, if you will. Some speed bumps. We're gonna add in some more good habits.
So I'll just share my mornings. And it's not this way. Every morning I'm not perfect and but most mornings I get outta bed. I have that thermos of lemon water. Sometimes I put a slice of fresh ginger in it. I have it right by my alarm. I turn my alarm off, I pick up my thermos, I put my feet on the floor because my stuff is right by my bed.
It's not across the room. I put my feet on the floor. I [00:23:00] take some sips of that warm lemon water, and then I'm lucky I can go outside. Okay. I just stand there for a few minutes drinking my water, listening to the birds, and then I'm ready to come back in. I have a personal rule that I do not look at my phone or turn any noise on, no news, no radios until after I've done my meditation or my journaling, whatever practice it is that I'm going to do for the day.
So I call that practicing silence.
Beth: Here's a question for you. Yes. I've read this in a book and I've heard this from other friends. Who ha have either newly divorced or widowed or well for whatever reason, empty nesting for the first time. And one of the things that they dread is being alone in a house by themself with no noise.
And so the television turns into almost that feeling that there's someone else there. And so the [00:24:00] silence is pressing on them. I am lucky right now that is not what is happening to me. But, and silence in the house is something I actually enjoy, but I know for a lot of people it's not. And I know a lot of folks who that television is turned on first thing in the morning, and it is on all day long because it is noise.
Yeah. So it what's an alternative for that?
Lisa: Yeah. So if silence is triggering, why you can have sound. But just not the TV or just not the news. How about some really nice music, some soft classical or light jazz or, chanting or prayers, something that is soothing. And again, we're not just talking about, oh, this might be a nice idea we're talking about.
It's these things, their actual effect on your nervous system. This is physiological. So the [00:25:00] news, TV, noise, the commercials, all of that, that spikes our sympathetic nervous system. It bumps up our cortisol. The last time I tried listening to Bird Song actually did the opposite. It relaxes us and there's lots of interesting studies on this and some people will liken it to nature therapy, which is one reason if you can get outside soon after waking, it does wonders to reset your nervous system.
But one theory. About why nature, why being in nature helps to improve our health, our mental health. Our physical health is thought to be very evolutionary in that when there are birds singing it, it signals that there's no danger in the forest. So think about it, if you're walking through the woods and the birds are chirping, or if you are by a lake and everything's calm and there's lots of natural sounds, but then say an invader, a loud car comes off, comes up, or something comes up [00:26:00] to, to present danger.
What do the birds do? Well, they go into fight or flight and they stop singing and or they fly away. So these natural sounds not only sound nicer. But they have a different kind of effect on our nervous system. They activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest and digest the part of our nervous system that helps us feel calm.
Beth: Ooh, I love that you brought that up for me. When I can tie a good thought with something that is happening regularly in my life. So if you listen to Bird song and then let yourself think the birds feel safe, and right now in this moment, I am safe. those kinds of calming thoughts and affirmations that you can give to yourself.
Yeah. To start your day or even any part of your day. When you're outside or you have the windows open you can tell yourself that the birds are safe, they are singing. I am [00:27:00] safe. I hear the birds, and it's sort of a cyclical thing.
Lisa: I love that. Yeah, I love that.
Beth:
Lisa: So soothing sounds. Of course, in the winter, you could flip on the fireplace crackling noise. You can find that on YouTube, yeah. I think, again, we're not trying to take anyone's rituals away, but we just want to encourage people to think about the effect that they are having, and so to use the example of someone grieving and the silence might be very triggering, feeding the nervous system, the noise of the news and all of that bad stuff.
That at the end of the day, is not going to help them heal or feel better.
Beth: So one thing you can do is listen to podcasts, like Create Today. Really great thing to welcome the Create Today podcast comes into you in the morning at 6:00 on Thursday Central time.
I would love to [00:28:00] join you for your first sip of lemon tea. Yeah. Yeah. Now we've got our sound sort of figured out. Tell us what's the advantages of lemon?
You, you keep bringing that up. Lemon, ginger, lemon tea, lemon water. Tell us the magic behind this. tart fruit.
Lisa: Yeah. you can start with coffee and I drink coffee. However, if again, if we really stop and think about the effects, remember when I talked about when this happens, it has an effect on what comes next.
And so if we are waking up and immediately pouring acidic caffeine into our bodies, what is it gonna do? Now it jolts us awake, which some of us may need, which again, we'll talk about evening pillars, but let's think about are you getting enough sleep? Do you really need that to wake up?
So it doesn't have to be lemon water, but I love warm or room temperature. Lemon tea, I, it's just simply warmer room temperature or hot water with [00:29:00] fresh lemon juice. And sometimes I add a slice of ginger. So one that I have been doing that for decades, so now I equate that to a wonderful start to the day.
It's become much more of a habit and a ritual. but there are some. Purported benefits to this as well. If we think about overnight, we've been fasting, we haven't had anything to eat all night. So the lemon juice is acidic outside of our bodies, but it's alkaline on the inside.
So rather than putting in acidic caffeine, we're putting in alkaline no caffeine. So it's acting to break our fast.
So it's gentler on the digestive system. It actually jump starts our nervous system. I've had clients who've had problems with digestion, struggle with constipation and regular elimination.
They do this one thing and they can't believe the difference how much it. Yeah.
Beth: Yeah. Okay. So recipe, let's [00:30:00] talk recipes. Oh yeah. Okay. So I got a glass of water, like talking eight ounces. And then are we squeezing fresh lemon? Can I use lemon just from the uncapped lemon juice I have in my fridge.
And when you're talking ginger, when you say a slice of ginger, explain yourself. Okay. Go.
Lisa: Eight ounces is great. And oh, by the way, you don't have to shoot this before you can have your coffee, make your lemon water go about your morning routine. And I sip on it throughout the day. Right. But I make sure I at least take several drinks before I move on to coffee.
I would say at least to eight ounces, that would be a great place to start. And I do squeeze fresh lemon. I buy organic lemons because I do this every day. So if there is gonna be a pesticide or an herbicide or something,
Lisa (4): yes, poisonous. I don't want
Lisa: that every day.
Lisa (4): Yeah,
Lisa: you can do it out of the bottle again.
Work with what you've got and where you are. Yes. Right. So if this sounds like craziness [00:31:00] to you, do what will hit the easy button?
I do keep fresh ginger root in my refrigerator, so I just slice off a little wedge and I pop it in. Okay. Optional. You absolutely wouldn't have to do the ginger part or or if this all sounds like cooking to you, you're like, I don't wanna cook first thing in the morning.
Buy some lemon ginger tea.
Beth: There you go. Right. There you go. Now I had one more question to ask you, let's say, this all sounds so tart Can I add a little honey to that? Is that a bad thing?
Lisa: You can add a bit of honey, for sure. Yeah, absolutely.
Beth: Okay, so now I've got my, my bird song and I've got my lemon water. How am I stopping some of the scrolling that I'm doing on my phone? Is that important to like get rid of Stop.
Slow down what,
Lisa: I find that device use can be one of the most difficult [00:32:00] things to go cold Turkey on because it actually is affecting our nervous system. We are addicted. Device use, scrolling it, especially with social media, it, it's a dopamine hit and we're just looking for that. So again, the pillars to the rescue, this is where you can set some mini pillars within your big pillar.
And when I was struggling with this myself, I had a rule that not only did I not. Turn on any sound until after I've had my lemon water and done my meditation and everybody, May not be a meditator. It could be you've done some doodling, you've read some inspirational reading, you've sat in contemplation.
You know what, it can be anything that's quiet that helps you to feel grounded. So I would not let myself pick up my phone until I'd had my lemon water and my meditation. I just set that hard and fast rule. I had [00:33:00] to go kind of hardcore to begin with. But it's like anything, after a few days of the new habit, you're not missing the old at all.
Beth: Right. I've talked to people who have gotten creativity back into their lives, and one of the things they've told me was when they were searching for that little. Little divot of time where they could be creative. They found that there were moments during their day where they found themselves 15, 20, half an hour at a time scrolling on TikTok or Facebook or Instagram or whatever social media outlet is your jam.
And they found that they could do something else instead of that. That is how they found time to be more creative. So if you're looking for, I don't know, how do I squeeze one more thing into my day that is like a swap, right? So maybe less of this and [00:34:00] more of that. And then eventually you'll find that you prefer to do this new activity rather than the scrolling.
And so if we're talking morning still and you're looking for something to do and you're, you haven't been able to sit still enough to meditate hop onto the Create Today website and in the events, you can take the Doodle Meditation Workshop
it's set up so that it is a daily practice that you can plug and play into the morning. it's a great way just to apply a little bit more ease into your day instead of maybe the phone.
Lisa: Yeah. So perfect. What a great example. And I think that's it, right? Try one or two of these things and see how it feels, and I haven't ever had anybody come back and say, I did all these things for my morning pillar and I felt worse. Not once.
Beth: Not once.
remember everyone, Lisa said you don't have to do it all at once and it is not taking away, it's [00:35:00] adding to.
Lisa: And honestly, we're, we are not talking anything that's a massive time suck. I mean, in fact, if you don't hit snooze you're gonna save that time. Yeah. In my example I stand outside maybe for 30 seconds, I make my lemon water the night before.
I put it in a, a water bottle that keeps things warm by my bed. It's there and waiting for me. And then depending on my day, I may be meditate anywhere from literally 30 seconds to 20 minutes or more. Yeah, depending. So we're not, I'm not saying you've got a. It's literally a monastic life.
It's very, we're talking seconds and minutes here, folks.
Beth: Yeah. Oh, we can all do this. We can all do this. this is care for yourself. Can you imagine if someone every morning would bring in warm tea for you the moment you were waking up?
How wonderful would that be?
So these are things that are attainable. I love that.
Lisa: Absolutely. And if you don't have time for meditation or journaling [00:36:00] or working on your sketches, take three deep breaths. it's wonderful to have this menu of things from which you can choose. And I also wanna give a shout out to people who may be caregivers, whether they've got children or elderly family members living with them.
And you may be thinking, oh, that sounds really nice for you.
But there's no way, well, there is always a way, and it just might look different for you. You might have to set your alarm a few minutes earlier. You may have to prioritize that magic time in the morning so that you actually can do a few of these things.
And, and sometimes if you've got small children, maybe some of this has to wait until after. You've, Dr. You've done the school run in your home before you start your work, right? Again, this can look a lot of different ways, but what matters is that you are creating your day with intention and filling.
Those morning, they're very influential. Those morning hours, we're filling them with things that are going to help balance our nervous system, so we're better equipped to deal with everything that the day throws [00:37:00] at us.
Beth: I think that a lot of people don't even realize that they have a morning ritual because it's just sort of happened.
Like the alarm goes off. Of course, I hit the snooze three times because it's there, and then my phone, I look at it and then I must have coffee, and then the news is on. So what you didn't realize is you've set up this ritual and now you're locked into something that you maybe didn't necessarily choose, and that is a choice that you get to make.
So if you have something that you're looking at right now going, yeah, that could be better. That you can make it better. And it just takes a little bit of rearranging to really open up the space I love it. I love it. We're just
Lisa: resetting. Yep. Yeah, we're just resetting.
And there are different phases in our lives where things will be different. And I wouldn't say that we keep the same morning pillar from now until 30 years from now. Life changes and it's gonna change and we wanna [00:38:00] adapt and adjust.
Beth: Yeah. So I mentioned lemon water.
Lisa: We've talked about meditating, getting outside. Some other examples are journaling working on your art project. I've got poodles, so I'll give my poodles a snuggle if they're up. On the days that I have time, it's really nice to start with some movement maybe some stretching or, if I have time to go to the gym or take a walk if the weather's nice.
These are not things I'm suggesting we do every morning. It's just some options. So have your menu of things that you know is gonna set you up for success for the day.
So going onto the evening, yes. Let's
Beth: talk
Lisa: evening. The same thing is true. And maybe even more so, because really our next day starts the night before Uhhuh. So if we think about a typical evening where again, we turn on the news, we are still checking our emails.
We might have a late dinner, we get back on the computer, we're still checking our emails. We might even take our computer to bed [00:39:00] and say, we're gonna do some work. I've gotta get this done. We might have a TV in our bedroom, and so we're watching TV in bed. And then as we pick up our phone to set the alarm, we take one last look at Instagram.
I mean, it's exactly the same thing. Every single one of those habits is. Adding to our stress. Little hits of cortisol, little hits of adrenaline, because the brain can't tell the difference between that kind of even low grade chronic stress. Just the noise, literally and figuratively, and a beam chase by tiger.
So the brain, yeah. Is like, holy cow, we're in danger again. Stress hormones so that we can fight our fleet when we're trying to go to sleep.
Beth: Yep. Oh my gosh. I used to work at a company that the owner would send emails
This chime would come in letting you know you had a work email. And there were times where he would send an email at midnight. And I still to this [00:40:00] day hear that chime from other people's phones and it just sets me off like, like I have just been bit by Jaguar. Yeah. Woo. So yeah, you do not need that kind of evening unrest.
And I go, we used to go to bed without phones. We used to just have a wind up alarm clock. Right. Do you remember that? You had to wind up your alarm clock?
Lisa: And if we think about, I'm just thinking about some of the the examples that I gave and the similar examples in the morning.
And let's just face it. A lot of it comes down to device use or phone. If your listeners are thinking, I don't have time for my own art, I don't have time to create, how much time are we wasting?
Because we're not being aware or intentional about. Our days, especially the mornings and the evenings.
So I betcha we could get back 15, 20, 30, 45, 60 minutes a day. By simply [00:41:00] implementing your own personal pillars. So
Beth: a good experiment would be tobe mindful about the time you're spending on the phone. How, when you find yourself scrolling on TikTok or Instagram, stop and think, how long have I been doing that?
Lisa: Absolutely. Absolutely. So for evenings I, speaking for myself, most of us could probably eat earlier and that would benefit. Oh my
Beth: gosh, me
Lisa: too.
I everything so hard to eat earlier. I know. It is for me too, but we know that when we eat earlier, our digestion works better. We have more time for that wind down routine because a lot of times eating dinner late and literally just, brushing my teeth and falling into bed, well that, that doesn't allow the nervous system to settle.
It doesn't allow me time to set myself up for my morning pillar the next day. So, eating a little bit earlier is probably a good idea for almost all of us. After dinner, I [00:42:00] like to take a walk. Maybe with the dogs, we'll just walk around the block. Now that the weather's getting nicer, we'll be in the garden.
So getting outside before you go to bed. I too like to relax with a Netflix show, after dinner, I find that relaxing. maybe the most difficult, but the most impactful is to observe a power down hour where we shut off all devices at least one hour before we go to bed.
So you can see why we need to eat dinner earlier if we're gonna start backing things up so that we have no devices an hour before bed. Yeah. And that a TV in your bedroom
Beth: and anything with the screen. So this is where a lot of this evening ritual stuff gets a little dicey, I think. And maybe this is where morning rituals can get dicey as well.
If like, I am alone in the morning, no one's in the house, just me and a raspberry my pup. So it's really easy for me to be in control in the morning. Now, in the evening, that's when Tom and I are [00:43:00] eating dinner together or watching television and just sitting down to him say, oh, hey, instead of having dinner at eight, we're not gonna do it at five 30, and then we're gonna take a walk outside and we're not gonna do any tv.
And then I'm gonna have an hour of nothing. I mean, he is gonna look at me like, what now?
Lisa: Now remember, we're only focusing on the things that we can control.
Lisa (4): Yes.
Lisa: But you bring up a great point. Some of you may live with people who think this is just completely crazy and they can never do that again.
What can you control for yourself? And I'm gonna be really honest. When we make changes like this, it can be difficult for the people around us.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: Yeah. And we only can do what we can do, and that means taking care of ourselves first. So I. Relationship is always a compromise, no matter whom it's with.
But this may require you to compromise a little, it may require a conversation with your partner, whoever you live with. Hey, I'm gonna [00:44:00] try this. I'd love it if you wanted to join me, but if not, that's okay. I understand it's a big change, right?
Beth: Yeah. Yeah. And like you've said, you don't need to do all of it at once.
Just like, hey, tonight we are eating at five 30, we're taking a walk, we are having an hour power down and la da. All these things all at once. And yeah, that's gonna cause some unrest in the house. But if you could look at your evening and say, maybe we could eat an hour earlier, or maybe I will just pull myself away from the television an hour earlier and give myself.
Sometime alone in a different room in the house, or maybe, you're upstairs in your bedroom for an hour and just figure out a way that you can do some things on your own without causing a lot of unrest in the house, because that is not gonna help with your cortisol levels if in trying to calm down, you mess up [00:45:00] the routines and the, just the general good humor in a home.
Lisa: a hundred percent you don't wanna change directions in the middle of a stream on people, because that does create more stress.
Lisa (3): But
Lisa: yeah, you gave some great examples. Another thing is like, I'm going to take a walk around the block. Would you like to join me? Yes, exactly. No pressure.
Like, you don't have to, everybody doesn't have to join us on this journey. Yeah. Or I think I'm gonna go finish that painting I've been working on. I'll be in my studio, right. If it's the TV in the bedroom, which I hear a lot, if that's the problem. If you've got a TV in your bedroom, you probably have at least one other tv.
So that might be a conversation with your partner, Hey, you know what? I'm gonna spend this last hour before I go to sleep reading. In quiet. Or maybe you start with 10 minutes. If you've been watching TV right up till you go to bed. Maybe you start with 10 minutes, maybe you start with 15. Or maybe you ask your partner to watch their last show in the other room, [00:46:00] or maybe they'd like to join you in quiet.
So nobody said this is gonna be super easy. Right. We might have to have some difficult conversations with ourselves and with others in our life.
Beth: Yeah. Yes. So take it a step at a time, everyone. And don't be a martyr about it either. Like, I'm trying to be better,
And a lot of times when you are showing the good example, other people are going, Hey, what are you doing? That looks kind of interesting. Maybe I'll do that too.
I will say this last thing about the TV and the better, the noise.
Lisa: Worst case, you can always get a pair of earplugs in an eye mask.
Beth: There you go. Great idea. Great idea.
And so by being very intentional about what you're choosing, and that's what this is all about, let's be intentional.
Lisa: Even if, okay, so let's say we even are gonna watch a show, even if we're gonna watch a show three hours before bed. What are you watching? We'll start something that's really violent and chaotic and crazy and I'm just like, you know what? I can't do that right now.
And again, what we're trying to do, let's remember what we're trying to do is [00:47:00] focus on the things we can control in a crazy, stressful world.
Beth: I think Netflix could make a ton of money. Just having an area where it would be like stuff to watch before you go to bed. Right. Or stuff to watch after you've watched something awful.
I think that's a category that is overlooked in television. I hope there's agree television, people listening and that they'll, Netflix.
Netflix,
Lisa: are you listening? Yeah. Are you listening? Right? So, a warm bath might be a nice piece of an evening pillar for someone. And again, maybe going in your studio and working on your art relaxes you. That's a wonderful thing to build your pillar on. And it's different for everywhere everyone.
And it, again, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that, and if you don't know, try some experiments and see
Lisa (4): Yeah. And,
Lisa: and figure it out for yourself. And then give yourself loads of grace. If you've been doing things the other way for a really long time, it's gonna take some time. And that is okay.
Beth: Yeah. And I think again, to [00:48:00] remember that these are things that you are gifting yourself and that it is okay to receive these gifts. Absolutely. Yeah. That you would give them to others. So you should be able to receive them from yourself. That kindness is important.
Lisa: Yeah, absolutely. And if you think it's selfish, really think again because how are you gonna be showing up for your family, for your work when you start your day with that adrenaline, cortisol, caffeine, bad news cocktail versus even just taking a very few minutes to yourself before you present yourself to the world.
Beth: Right. 'cause
The reason we're talking about this today, is we're finding ways to settle ourselves, to find a little calm in our day so that we can be able to control the things we can control Absolutely.
But like Lisa said, this isn't a magic pill.
It isn't meaning if you have lemon tea, you'll [00:49:00] be calm all day. It is it is a slowly adding to all these things, doing them day after day. So they become a ritual that helps you find that grounding. And when you're doing this, do you ever find yourself like taking it for granted now that you're just chugging your tea and, whatever.
But do you, you have to be intentional while you're doing that. I think that's the key, right? Like, remember why. Remember why you're doing this. I
Lisa: think yes and no. Yeah. I think that's a great question, and I think a little bit yes and a little bit no, because even if we're kind of, think about things we just do without thinking on autopilot, we're still getting the benefits of it.
Right. So, if I'm still I try to be, I mean, for me that's really what it's all about is being mindful. And I'm a big meditator. I love that aspect of it. But for someone else, it, it may not be, but, so I do like to stand there and really tune into my senses. But even if. That isn't [00:50:00] meaningful to you, the very acts of these things.
It is like a way of tricking your nervous system, right? So even if you're not finding great meaning in it to begin with, you are having a physiological effect on your system. And that's what we're after here. We're looking to balance things out.
Beth: So I think that's the key right there, is that phones literally trigger some bad stuff in your body.
Yes. Right? And no matter what
Lisa: your intention is, no matter what your intention is, I don't care if you're like puppies.
Beth: Right? Yep. Phones, tablets, computers, televisions, all the same.
So I, I am someone definitely that needs to be mindful of this. But if we can take a look at that and realize that you need to balance that with things that are natural,
So even if you're not intentionally going, let me remind myself the goodness of this drink and why I am drinking it, your body is going, [00:51:00] thanks I know how to use this right.
Lisa: Rituals are comforting. Just period, end of story.
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: If we're doing something repeatedly, that's not bad for us.
It's comforting and we will come to associate it with that.
Beth: what's our best takeaway for the things that we've talked about here?
Lisa: I would say if you're already doing most of these things, good for you. And there's always room for refinement or for revisiting just because it, for 10 years. Doesn't mean it's still serving you. So kind of reevaluating, oh, would this fit better?
Or maybe you wanna change it up seasonally. So my pillars are definitely different when the weather's, yeah, spring, summer, and fall than they are in the winter. So I would say if you're old hat at this, revisit it and just kind of ask yourself, is this still working for me and or are there seasonal tweaks I could make?
Absolutely. If you're like, oh my gosh, you two ladies are crazy. I would say start by making a [00:52:00] list. Yeah. Two lists. One list of things that might be grounding to you for the morning, and a list of things that might be grounding and balancing for you in the evening. Just start by making a list and you can make an art project out of it.
You could stick it on a sticky note on your computer or on your desk and just kind of sit with it for a few days.
Beth: I love that idea. I also think that write down the elephants in the room. What are the things that you're doing right now that are probably not for you? Write those things down and then write down the things you think would be great to add to your morning.
And then how can you start maybe switching some of those off and on and love it, and then you can kind of make a long-term plan to make that work better?
Lisa: I love that. What's causing me the most pain right now?
Beth: Yeah.
Lisa: What's cost me the most? What's causing me the most pain? What's keeping me from creating?[00:53:00]
What are those things? Yeah,
Yeah. Call out the elephant in the room. That's great, Beth. I love that.
Beth: Lisa and I are planning, probably a year from now, we're gonna be doing some retreats that are going to combine.
The health and wellness that Lisa knows so well with the daily creative passions that I know bring you into a happier mindset in heart, mind, body and soul. So we are going to be putting together some retreats where you can come and meet us and really do a deep dive into how to take a look at where you are in your life right now and how you can be more intentional with how you're taking care of yourself.
Lisa: Beth, I'm so glad you brought it up because when you come to our retreat, you will get a chance to practice and experience these rituals, these morning pillars, and these evening pillars because they will undoubtedly be built in, you'll be able [00:54:00] to practice them in a really low risk environment. 'cause your family, your kids, your husbands, your partners won't be with you.
Beth (2): Yes.
Lisa: Yeah. You're gonna get to see how amazing they feel and how creative you are when you observe them. Yes. So, yeah, I think it's just a perfect chance to practice your pillars.
Beth: So if you're listening out there right now and you're thinking, Ooh, yes, please, we do wanna hear from you.
And feel free to reach out to us and ask us some questions, some things you might like to see in the retreat. Maybe a place where you'd love to go. We're kind of collecting ideas right now, so nothing's off the table. We're really interested in just absorbing a lot of goodness so that when we decide when and where to have the retreat, that we are providing the best goodness that we can.
So let us know your thoughts. We'd love to hear from you.
Lisa: That'd be fun. Yeah, absolutely.
Beth: So I know I have some things I'm gonna tweak in my life right now. Tell
Lisa (2): [00:55:00] that, tell us whatcha gonna tweak in your life.
Beth: So, I am someone who does listen to the news a little bit in the morning, I've actually paired it down.
I don't listen as much as I used to, but I'm gonna pare that down even more. And I am gonna start making myself some lemon water.
I love the idea about the thermos at night. I'm gonna do that and I'm gonna come downstairs and then I'm going to, since the weather's starting to get nicer, I'm going to just go outside with raspberry.
And stand on the patio for a little while and just kind of get my morning started that way, and then start doing the things I normally do, which is doodle meditation and doing my to-do list and all the things that I know are good for me.
Lisa: Right. So do those things first and then turn the news on.
That's your reward. Yes. Yes. That's your reward for getting outta bed, doing all these wonderful things. And then remember, I'm not saying we don't get to do those things, but we're just inserting some other things first.
Beth: So Lisa, [00:56:00] thank you so much for coming and chitchatting today about. Morning and evening rituals and the pillars that we can set up, pillars of strength that will just help fortify us as we travel from morning pillar to evening pillar and how we prepare for that next day. What a gift. What a gift that you've given us that now we can turn around and give back to ourselves.
So everyone find time to be kind to yourself today. Think about what you're going to do this evening to set up yourself for a good day in the morning. What does that look like? Set up that list of pros and cons on what your morning and evening rituals look like right now, and how could you make a little change in what you're doing?
And whatever you do, my friends, I know. That you will stay creative. Thanks a lot for coming, Lisa. We'll talk to you again soon. Bye-bye. [00:57:00] Thanks.
00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
01:01 Current Global and Personal Challenges
04:07 Managing Stress and Control
05:06 Creating a Structured Day
07:31 Morning Pillars and Routines
10:36 Dealing with Modern Distractions
16:31 Building Better Morning Habits
28:05 The Benefits of Lemon Water
30:28 Morning Rituals: Starting the Day Right
31:51 Breaking Device Addiction: Tips and Tricks
33:09 Finding Time for Creativity
38:33 Creating a Balanced Evening Routine
42:42 Adapting Rituals to Life Changes
53:04 Planning for Future Wellness Retreats
54:55 Final Thoughts and Takeaways
SHOW NOTES
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Keywords: Morning Rituals, Grounded Start, Healthy Aging, Lisa Murphy, Create Today Podcast, Beth Buffington, Lemon Water, Avoid Snooze, Practicing Silence, Creative Start.
